The Irish philosopher, George William Russell, once said “By intensity of hatred nations create in themselves the characters they imagine in their enemies.” He recognized the ironic tendency in nations to adopt, over time, the characteristics of their adversaries which they focused all their energy on avoiding. Interestingly, that phenomenon often proves true in individuals as well. One who consumes himself with the determination to not become like his parent will often, unintentionally, become like that parent. Why is that?
Solomon wrote, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Pro. 23:7). The state of our heart – our thoughts – will determine our words, actions, and even our personality. This is why the Bible emphasizes protecting our heart (Pro. 4:23) and filling it with that which is holy and good (Phil. 4:8). If our heart is monopolized by disgust for the undesirable, where can the good be found? If a man constantly thinks about the negative characteristics of a father he refuses to become, how can he think about the good man he aspires to be?
Scripture teaches that our primary focus should be on who we aspire to be, not who we aspire to avoid. “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children” (Eph. 5:1). “Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect” (Matt. 5:48). “Be holy, for I am holy” (1 Pet. 1:16). It is true that we are to “abhor what is evil” (Rom. 12:9) and separate ourselves from all that is unholy (2 Cor. 6:14-7:1) but we do that because we want to be like Jesus, and Jesus hates what is evil and separates Himself from all that is unholy. Following His example (1 Pet. 2:21) forces us to pursue holiness, righteousness, and all that is Godlike. Hating an avoiding all that is ungodly will flow naturally from it.
In short, it is a matter of perspective. One who spends all his energy on identifying and avoiding the negative misses the positive because he never learns to identify it. We become what we hate because we have no idea who we love.